What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
