But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
