duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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