i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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