Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
