Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
