Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
