I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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