There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
