I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
