Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
