Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize