it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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