i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
