On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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