Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
