Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
