ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
