I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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