toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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