does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
