You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
