if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize