I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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