i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
