So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
