i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's get the cat blown out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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