He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
