I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
