I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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