I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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