She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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