i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
