u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
