he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
