i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
