People with herpes should wear stickers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
