i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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