i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
