if you like me you must not know who I am
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
