it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
