Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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