if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you traded sex for a burrito?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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