Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
