Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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