first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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