im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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