As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
