I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
