We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there is glitter all over my balls
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