she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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