dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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