i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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