i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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