Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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