Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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