Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pooping to opera.
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