drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
