Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
