I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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