I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
