i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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