Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize