so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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