I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
