That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
