is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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