If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
