There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize