TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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