i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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