My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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