sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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