Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize