Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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