I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
