So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize